theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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