After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
