I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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