We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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