I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
