Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
