She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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