I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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