She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
