Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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