That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
