Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
