dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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