Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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