how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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