just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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