Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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