remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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