hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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