I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think your dad took our porno
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm like, not good at living.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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