dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I faked an abortion last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
