Will you blow on my dice?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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