wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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