i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
