I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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