Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
