I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
