I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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