I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
