shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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