i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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