he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
