remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
