Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My life is pants optional.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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