How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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