I heard we made out
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
