You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
