I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
