we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think my nap took me to another dimension
pray to the hookup gods
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
