Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize