u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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