I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize