nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
try to milk me bitch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
