You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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