I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im holly from the hills drunk
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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