he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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