She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
