I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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