You're my little dorito
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
