ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
how does that bad decision feel?
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