yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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