what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
