Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
