He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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