i love accidental penises.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
