So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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