Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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