using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
